It Is My Fault! No It's Not

[Kirsten]

Kirsten sat in the chair. She had been in here for nearly over an hour, sitting in the dark, with no interuptions, just sitting crying her eyes out. She tried to stop but it was just to hard.
I think I might ask if I could work as something else instead of a maternity doctor. Like a Cardioligist.Or maybe if I could, a Vet. She had stopped for a second thinking. She got up and walked about the place but bumped into the corner of a desk with her knee. She felt the sharp stabbing pain and fell to the ground. Then a big pile of of medical text books and clipboards came crashing on top of her head.
"ARGH, THIS HAS BEEN SUCH A SHITTY DAY!" she cried out loud. She started to cry again. Not out of pain but out of frustration and sorrow and maybe also pain.
She just cried all alone and didn't get up. Her head was beleeding a tiny bit, but she didn't care.Then the door opened and somebody came in.

[Amélie Grey]

Amélie walked past Kirsten, then doubled back.
She'd been up looking at the babies (yes, okay, it was sick and twisted, using babies like Prozac, but whatever) and had hoped to sneak out unnoticed, but she saw Kirsten crying at the desk.
"What happened?" she asked, going over to her. "Wait, you're bleeding."
She went over to the supplies trolley and lifted some antisceptic lotion, cotton pads and a bandage.
She went back over to Kirsten, knelt down beside her and started cleaning the cut. "What happened?"

[Kirsten]

Kirsten looked up and saw Amélie.
"What? oh this? I bumped into the desk, fell down, then a big pile of of medical text books and clipboards came crashing on top of my head!" she said sniffing.
She felt the lotion on top of her head. It stinged a little bit but she didn't really take notice over it. She just kept replaying the falt line on the moniter in her head.Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
She wiped away her tears.
"What time is it?" she asked. She wanted to know how long she had been sitting in the dark crying for.

[Amélie Grey]

Amélie checked her watch. "It's 11.43."
She placed the small bandage carefully on the cut on Kirsten's forehead. "And that wasn't what I meant. What I meant was why are you crying?"

[Kirsten]

"Whoa, nearly two hours!" she got up and went and sat down on a chair.
"Thanks. I was hoping I could avoid that question but you don't seem to miss anything do you?! I lost my patient, Paula. We were performing an emegency caesarian because she was fitting. We got the baby out and she was still alive she held her baby once and looked up at me and said she wanted to call it after me and if I could give her a middle name, and then she started fitting again. W.....w...we tried to stop it b...b..but we c..couldn't. It was like she knew it was going to happen! I just wish I could've saved her or least done something better." she said stumbling over her words and forcing back tears. It didn't really work and the water works started again.
"I gave the middle name of Dawn to her but I think I will tell her husband to give her two middle names. I am going to suggest the name of Paula!" she said sniffing.

[Amélie Grey]

"Kirsten Paula Dawn," Amélie mused. "That's pretty."
She searched around for something she could say to Kirsten about Paula's death, then the phrase that Lucas had told her came to her mind. "Kirsten, there was nothing you could have done about Paula. You can't blame yourself because it wasn't your fault, and once you start blaming yourself for a death that you didn't cause, that's a downward slope, and it will break you. Don't let it happen to you," she said softly.

[Kirsten]

Kirsten looked up at Amélie. The words that she had just said repeated in her head.
She shook her head. Over and over and over until her neck ached.
"How can I? How? I was right beside her when she said that. I should have known by the way she spoke. By what she said, I should have known!" she looked down at the ground.
"I think I might ask Dr. Savach if I can go home after I meet her husband and tell him what- pardon me, what has happened," she hiccoughed again.
"Do you think he'll let me?"

[Amélie Grey]

Amélie frowned. "Dr. Savach? Which one is he again?" The name was vaguely familiar, but since she hadn't worked on the Maternity Ward, she probably didn't know him.

[Kirsten]

"The one with the short dark brown hair, crystal blue eyes, amazingly white teeth and he's about 6ft 1. Oh I don't know, probably the hottest Doctor in St Merediths!" she said with hearty laugh. She sat in wonder.
"I just realised, I haven't got a dress for the dance. Nor do I have a date. Who could I go with?" she had a person in mind, but she didn't know if he had a date or not.

[Amélie Grey]

Amélie giggled to herself. She felt like Cupid. First Andrew, then Kirsten...
"Well, what about asking Dr. Savach?" she asked, keeping a straight face. She remembered Dr. Savach now, he'd been at the bar that night after Mr. Jameson's neurosurgery. She'd been talking to him with Lucas, Adam, Sharp and whatshisname from Peds, and she was pretty certain he was single.

[Kirsten]

"Hmm, I could but, I don't know if he likes me. I don't suppose you could..." she stopped, hestitating.

[Amélie Grey]

Amélie laughed. "No problem. Where is he?"

[Kirsten]

"That's a fair question and I have absoulutely no idea!" she said stiffling a laugh.
"Probably in the ICU."

[Amélie Grey]

"Okay, let's go," Amélie said, helping Kirsten to her feet.
They were walking to the Montgomery section, when they saw Dr. Savach walking down the corridor.
"Right, wait here," she said, then ran down the corridor. "Dr. Savach!" she called.
Dr. Savach turned. "Yes?"
"Hi, I'm a surgical-"
"Oh, you're one of Sharp's interns, right?"
"Yes," she smiled, extending her hand. "Amélie Grey."
"Pleasure," he smiled. "How may I help you?"
Amélie exhaled. "Okay, the thing is, I know I'm not supposed to be here, but I'm here for a friend of mine. Kirsten Callaway?"
"Oh yes," he smiled. "She's nice."
"She is," Amélie smiled. "The thing is... and be aware I feel very like a teenager again here... the prom is in a few days."
"Yes..."
Amélie sighed. "I think she'd like to go with you."
"So you're saying I should ask her out?"
"Yes," she said confidently.
He laughed. "Right, well, where is she?"
"She's down there," Amélie said, pointing.

[Kirsten]

Kirsten stared after her. She saw them talking, but she turned to a board with posters on it about pregnancy. She turned around and saw Dr. Savach and Amélie walking towards her talking.She turned around to the board again but watching out of the corner of her eye she saw Amélie turn of and go down the D stairs.
Oh God, what am I go....
"Kirsten? hi how are you?" Dr. Savach asked.
Kirsten turned around and pretended to be surprised, "Dr. Savach hi, I'm fine. How are you?"
"I'm fine, do you wanna go get some coffee or something?"
"Coffee would be nice," she said a bit to fast in eagerness.
"That's great, I'll go get my coat and we'll head to the coffe house across the street."
"Ok, I'll go get my purse and I'll meet you outside in 5 or 10 minutes, maybe a bit longer,ok?"
"Ok,"
She turned around and headed to her lockers. This day couldn't get any better! she thought to herself.